I am finally able to be back again, after another bout of computer woes. A brand new hard drive and a couple weeks later, I am back on track. Now to do the obnoxious task of reformatting things, reuploading application documents, and getting things generally in order.
I finally began subbing, a couple days last week, and will sub a few days this week. My thoughts on it are mixed. I love and hate the freedom. I love that no one will bother me if I need/wish to take a day off. The only one who suffers if I take a day is my wallet. If I feel sick, which is a lot lately (I haven't been sick as much in my whole life as I have been the last 6 months), or need to catch up on sleep, or an event comes up, I just don't sign up to work. But the curse of that is that it can be very difficult to force myself to go in when I don't feel like it. I didn't sleep a wink night before last, and was exhausted and took the day to deal with my computer stuff. I had every intention of waking up at 5:30am to look for a job for today...but I woke up at 8:30, having apparently slept through three alarms. Luckily (and unfortunately), a pet sitting issue came up that kept me busy, so it worked out for the best.
Having time off isn't too bad. So far, I've found that on days I sub I end out the day so tired I am incapable of being productive. I was in two pretty good rooms last week, but there were some meltdowns. On Monday I was in a room where the teacher had plans that had me directly teaching two different groups of kids two different subjects at the same time, saying all the kids were lovely when there were a couple that had clear behavioral issues that needed constant monitoring. One thing I learned about subbing: you can learn a lot about the type of classroom the teacher runs, structure-wise, by asking the students what normally is done in ________ situation. In both of the rooms last week, the second and first graders I was with all told me the same procedures if I asked about them. They knew what the rules were, respected them, and wished to help me genuinely. On Monday, when I asked the children what the procedures were for small things not described in my plans from the teacher, I got about 10 different answers from 16 children. I don't believe they were trying to lead me astray, they are in second grade. Young children generally try to please. I really believe they were not sure, from the teacher not emphasizing strict routines or not having them. Too bad I can't inquire about those things in advance before accepting a job.
I am applying for jobs, but feeling kind of aimless. The issue of there being so many places I would be willing to go makes the process extremely unfocused. I got some great leads on jobs in this area, but I am pretty ready to be done with this area and try somewhere new.
Dating is a hot mess, one I am sort of taking a break from. One observation I can make is that the men who match with me on OkCupid at 90% or above tend to be extremely not right for me. I am not totally sure how that happens, but how is it that an empathetic, emotional person like me gets matched 97% with a guy who quite literally could have an autism diagnosis if he went to get tested, and was incapable of caring enough about people to make a real friend? We got along great on many levels, so it isn't out of nowhere. But my ex had emotional challenges as well that caused major problems...95% match at the time. Just an interesting observation. I would love to understand how the algorithms work to cause such a disparity.
Back to regular posts now. I missed writing, even if it is just about tea or beauty. Helps me to connect with myself, my interests, and refocuses my efforts to improve myself.